20 “I do not ask for these only, but also for those who will believe in me through their word, 21 that they may all be one, just as you, Father, are in me, and I in you, that they also may be in us, so that the world may believe that you have sent me.
John 17:20-21
Jesus’s prayer in John 17 is amazing. You should read the whole thing! We know Jesus prayed all the time, publicly and privately, but here is one of the times we hear the entire conversation. This prayer is a list of requests not only for the disciples but for all Christians after them. The section I have included deals with sanctification, consecration, and oneness with each other and the Father and Son.
It’s hard though, isn’t it? To be one with all the other disciples of Jesus? It helps me to remember that the rest of the church is one with the Father and the Son and that if Jesus prayed for it then, it’s not just possible but the Father will help us do it. We aim to be one with the other Christians and lean on this prayer for support.
I think there are at least 2 parts to this oneness. There must be an understanding that other Christians are sometimes convicted differently, and there is also good old-fashioned fellowship. Wonderful, purposeful, frustrating, rewarding, fellowship. The kind of fellowship that keeps you from making plans on Friday night because you can’t miss small group and the kind that has you up in the middle of the night talking to a crying friend about something they are going through.
There are shared meals and giving rides to each other’s kids, checking in when someone misses church or looks upset, asking for prayer that needs to be held in strict confidence, laughter, rolled eyes, and frustration. There are people who know your business when you wish they didn’t, those who argue when you make a point from your Bible, and then turn around and apologize and bless you in prayer for the next few days. They make you angry, happy, sad, and motivate you. It’s fellowship and it takes discipline.
We have so many commands to love and forgive but if we aren’t close enough with other Christians, we won’t learn to walk those things out. They take time and practice, and both love and forgiveness mean intentionality. Sadly, it is something we don’t prioritize in our culture, but you would think we would.
Our favorite shows all revolve around groups of people who spend every waking minute together. Shows where you can’t figure out when they get anything done because it’s all hangout time. They are at the coffee house on a Tuesday at noon, the bar every night of the week but somehow still hold down jobs, or at their parents’ and friends’ houses every free moment. Why is everyone always at dinner or meeting at the park?
We watch them on TV and wish we had times and relationships like this then we turn around and call our homes and our free time “ours” when in reality they are “His.” Everything we own belongs to Someone else. He is the giver of time, and we must answer for how we use it. The same with our homes, finances, attention, friendships, groceries, and bodies. If our lives are so busy that we cannot make disciples or be in healthy Christian fellowship, then we need to take a hard look. If we are too exhausted or overwhelmed to have quality time with other believers, God can help us figure things out.
I am not talking about allowing people to violate personal boundaries or endangering your family, but if our boundaries and family seem to be the reason we have no God-based relationships then we may need to talk to God about what to do. It’s hard and most of the tenets of Christianity go against our culture but like all things that Jesus asks us to do there is a blessing attached.
When I am not part of a small group or intentional relationships that include accountability, prayer, and the study of the Bible I get pretty weird. It’s not just that my poor husband has to fulfill all of my social needs (which are pretty large!) but other things start happening too. I feel irritated or sad more easily, I start compromising on righteousness, and feel more and more distant from God. I skip my time in the Word or worship and things get harder.
When I jump into a community there are hard things too. There are arguments and awkward conversations and the ever-popular idea of humbling myself and taking corrections or the last spot in line. Of course, the good outweighs the bad. If we love Jesus, then we obey so we get to act out our love for Jesus and others at the same time. When we wander we are helped back on that narrow path by many hands. Our children are prayed for and find belonging, our spouse finds friendship, and God is glorified in our little interactions of folding clothes together and sharing meals and scripture.
I’m not sure what your experience has been with Christian friendship and fellowship, but I do know this. It is the way God blesses us, grows us, supports us, and makes us one in a supernatural way. Often it’s hard but I can say from experience that it is much harder in the long run to do it alone. Our Triune God exists in relationship and made us for a relationship with Him and other believers.