More Questions Than Ever

Have you ever read the gospels and wondered why the disciples asked Jesus so many foolish questions? Questions about the parables that Jesus told, misunderstandings about bread, and always the most embarrassing, who would be the most important in Heaven. They should have known better! They lived with the Creator of the Universe but they never got it. We say, “Well we have the Holy Spirit and a study Bible, so we don’t need to ask crazy questions!” But what if crazy questions are what distinguish a disciple of Jesus?

The longer I follow Jesus and the more He teaches me, the more questions I have! I read passages I know for a fact I have read before, and I am so confused. I think, “When did Jesus say that? That’s crazy!” or “God told the Israelites to do what?!” Can anyone identify with this one? “That’s what Jesus meant?! Well, I just finished lecturing someone differently.”

I sometimes wake up to a thought from God, have a crazy dream from Him, or have a friend mention the exact same verse I was pondering, and I start asking questions. Questions about communication in the spiritual, not the physical. Questions about the difference between soul and spirit, how our triune God interacts with Himself and shares qualities, where the Garden of Eden is, and why there were people other than Adam and Eve just a few short chapters later in Genesis. I wonder what certain heroes of the Bible looked like, whether Santa is a false god, if we should have different denominations, and how I should approach God in prayer at separate times of the day. Do I give thanksgiving and praise even if another prayer request pops into my head an hour after I already did thanksgiving and praise?

Much like the disciples, I have also wondered if we truly understand some of the parables, and I have very pointed questions for Jesus about how Heaven works. How old will we be, what will the food be like, is it mansions or rooms, and will I have to live next to that person? If I’m not married in Heaven, will I still see my husband there? I have questions about my past and questions about my heart. Why do I succeed at some things but fail at others? What does grace actually do? How does it work? Not the memory verse but the true movements and applications. How does forgiveness work?

The closer I get to God and the more He reveals to me, the more questions I have! I remember being in 7^th grade and raising my hand so many times in math class that I felt a little silly, but as an adult, I’m so glad I did. It helped me through the following years of math and has benefited my homeschooled children to no end.

It is the glory of God to conceal things, but the glory of kings is to search things out.

Proverbs 25:2

I think this is the way He set things up. There’s so much distance between what He knows and what I know that every time I get excited to learn a little more, I am overwhelmed by the next layer. So even knowing that we have so much to learn is a revelation all by itself.

Man, I thought I knew it all before God. In my pride and confusion, I thought I had figured things out. Even now, if I spend a few days ignoring God and His word I come right back to this spot of pride. I think, “Wow, I am super smart. God has shown me so much and fixed so many things about me. My husband, children, and friends are so lucky to have me around! I can answer all their questions.”

All I have to do is sit at His feet for a while and ask for His presence and I am reminded once again of the vast difference between this Holy God and me. He has all the answers, and I have only questions. In His presence, I begin to understand that I know very little and am grateful for the things I have been shown.

Your questions might look very different from mine, but I bet you have them. Curious feels like a good place to be. I intend to keep raising my hand in class. I’m not just a daughter and bondservant, I am a disciple. I will keep asking questions and assume that God will give me the answers at the right time.

Let no one deceive himself. If anyone among you thinks that he is wise in this age, let him become a fool that he may become wise. For the wisdom of this world is folly with God. For it is written, “He catches the wise in their craftiness,” 

1 Corinthians 3:18-19

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