Then many who heard him say these things believed in him. Jesus said to the people who believed in him, “You are truly my disciples if you remain faithful to my teachings. And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free” – John 8:32 NLT
I have shared a lot on Band of Opals. Much about my failures and God’s successes, but I have never written out my salvation testimony. It’s the story of how a good God grabbed a broken girl and changed her life. The story of the years of His faithfulness and waiting and pursuing. Here it is!
I was born to Christian parents. I was born to Christian grandparents, great grandparents, aunts uncles, brothers, and surrounded by Christians. My father is a pastor, so I spent each week in the presence of God at church, most of the time multiple times a week, worshipping, praying, learning, playing, and feeling very confident in the fact that there was a God and that His name was Jesus.
I attended a Christian school from 1st grade through 6th grade, and they were faithful to present us with the gospel often and opportunities to commit our lives to Jesus and I took the opportunity in either first or second grade, I can’t remember which. I was baptized the next year. All through my childhood I was taught the Bible, sang songs to God, and truly enjoyed our church.
As a teen things began to change. I began to change, and it showed in my decisions. Maybe it was that things got rougher at home, maybe it was that I was relying too heavily on my parent’s relationship with Jesus instead of having one of my own, but the more likely reason was that I saw what the world had to offer, and I wanted it more than I wanted Jesus. I stopped obeying God and I started obeying the world.
My behavior got wild. Raging against my parents was the new norm. Sneaking out was the new norm. All I wanted was distraction and pleasure. I smoked, drank, and got high any time I got the chance. I don’t remember ever wanting to miss an opportunity. I shoplifted like a madwoman till I got caught and was too scared to continue. This was the grace of God.
One distraction I sought was the attention of boys and I started taking too many risks, losing my virginity to rape by a boy who I had met at a dance and had snuck out to meet. I think he was too high to know what he was doing and the friend with me misunderstood and told everyone that I had lost my virginity on purpose, so I just went with it.
After that I was ready to hook up with anyone I could now that it wasn’t special anymore. I had wanted to save sex for my future husband but now didn’t see the point. Then enemy was thrilled at these things as My Father in Heaven watched with compassion, pulling on my heartstrings to return to Him to be washed again and restored.
My grades plummeted. All I wanted was time with friends, boys, and distraction. Almost a year after graduation high school I joined the Army, and it probably saved my life. I remember asking God to just let it go smoothly if it was where I was supposed to be. It went perfectly.
The job I wanted in the Army meant no more getting high and no more illegal activity. Praise God for His protection. I got pregnant and married in that order, my son was perfect, but that marriage went up in flames not long after. More pain came out of that process for me and my family than I can explain. It continues to wound, but God continues to heal. He’s not done yet.
Still drinking and running wild I gossiped, cheated, lied and did as I pleased. I didn’t just do it, I was proud of it. I consumed music and entertainment that was full of sex, greed, drama, witchcraft, and murder. I abused any pain prescription that I was offered and spent my time however I wanted not caring about anyone but myself. I thought I cared, but I see now by my behavior that I only thought of myself.
I had lots of friends and did well professionally but what I thought was happiness never satisfied. I still attended churches, maybe two to three times a month. No one ever asked me to dinner, no one asked me about my life, and I avoided Bible studies and Sunday school like the plague.
A second marriage and two more perfect children. A second divorce. Clinical depression, mayhem, more sex with whomever I pleased, more alcohol, more noise, anxiety, loss, and more blindness. Still attending church, still anonymous. There in His presence I felt something different. I would weep during worship as the Holy Spirit tugged on my broken heart. As He whispered His love in my ear and I refused to believe Him.
Then a third marriage. It turned out that this man couldn’t save me either, but a thought occurred to me right after we got married. I know now that this though came from God. If I continued life my way this marriage was doomed as well. My children would experience more trauma and life for all of us would be so hard to bear. I thought the issue was my line of work, I thought it was my friends, I thought it was the pain of PTSD and TBI that is so common in our community. I blamed everything but myself.
I was a civilian now working as a contractor in the same line of work. I loved my job, and then one day I didn’t love it anymore. Actually, I couldn’t stand it. I watched my poor children suffer from anxiety and constant upheaval as a product of an unstable mother who had made so many poor choices. I paid nannies to try to comfort them while I went to work.
We got the news that my husband was being moved from DC to California, and that a deployment was coming. I couldn’t move the kids because of a custody agreement so we decided it was time for me to come home and care for them while my husband was gone for the next couple years. God had put the thought in my head, “Someone has to take care of these kids. Someone must be here at home.”
We had found a new church but hadn’t yet met anyone. Now that I was a housewife, I had no choice! Church was the only place I could think of to find other housewives. I joined a MOPS group and was invited to a small group with about 6 families. Those six families discipled me for 18 months before God cracked my heart of stone.
For no one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws them to me, and at the last day I will raise them up. – John 6:44
Their lives and their love helped me realize that I had lost all faith in Jesus. I didn’t even believe that He was who He said He was. I was claiming be a Christian all those years but I certainly was not.
Oh, the patience of those men and women! The prayers they must have prayed. The prayers of my parents, grandparents, brothers, aunts, and uncles. The prayers of the few Christians I met in the military and contract work. God heard every one of them and returned my faith to me.
I tell you the absolute truth. One moment I thought Jesus and the Bible was a lie and the next moment I knew the truth. He was so kind to open my eyes. I don’t know what day it was I just know that it was a glorious day. “Oh!” my brain screamed. “Jesus is God!!!” and off I went with Him. Sermons, scripture, worship, and notebooks full of questions, verses, and prayer. Hours a day in study and worship and God returned to me the years that the locust had eaten. The years I spent worshiping the enemy and myself faded and I started to run with God.
I remember my first “prayer closet” which was an ottoman in our basement in Virginia. I locked the basement door and sat there blasting worship, learning to laugh, cry, and speak in tongues. I started to build history and relationship with the One True Living God.
And so my story goes. I fail and God saves. I fail again and He saves again. He is so faithful, and the blood of Jesus was more than enough to turn this sinner into a saint. Enough to clothe me in righteousness and set my life on fire. He never left me in my 17 years of disobedience, and He will not leave me now. He is love. He has also saved my children and handsome husband number three.
I only scratched the surface of my sin, pain, and suffering. I have only begun to share the overwhelming goodness of God in my life. This story is not done and will continue on throughout eternity.
I tell you the testimony of my salvation for a few reasons. It’s too good to keep a secret, and the work of God is too magnific. He wants to do it in your life, maybe He already has. Don’t stop praying for that prodigal child, niece, grandchild, friend, or any of them. Don’t stop praying for the one who seems so lost. Invite the quiet man or woman in the next pew to lunch. God has never lost sight of them and will never give up on them. Join Him in His goodness and bless the unbeliever and the backslidden with prayer and your own testimony and watch God do it again.
They triumphed over him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death. Revelation 12:11 NIV
Advent is right around the corner!
I can’t wait to dig into Hope, Peace, Love, and Joy with you! Weekly devotionals will be dedicated to exploring these topics. Let’s celebrate our long expected King during Advent. He came 2,000 years ago as one of us, but He will be back again in all His glory!
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