Forgiveness and Dirty Dishes

It’s my week off! Enjoy this post from last September!

²¹ Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”

²² Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.

²³ “Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. ²⁴ As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold was brought to him. ²⁵ Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.

²⁶ “At this the servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ ²⁷ The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.

²⁸ “But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins. He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded.

²⁹ “His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.’

³⁰ “But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. ³¹ When the other servants saw what had happened, they were outraged and went and told their master everything that had happened.

³² “Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. ³³ Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ ³⁴ In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.

³⁵ “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”

Matthew 18:21-35

Have you ever walked into your kitchen and seen the result of the previous day of laziness, busyness, or just plain mayhem? A sink piled high with dirty dishes that spill out over the sides and cover your counter. Wrappers, skillets, bowls, and silverware. You think to yourself, “How can there be 13 dirty glasses when there are only 4 people who use glasses in this house?

Yesterday morning I was greeted by the consequences of a day of careless kitchen use. This is the actual picture! I had to restrain myself from tidying anything up before I snapped it, but I realized what an amazing metaphor it was and wanted the raw footage.

When I walked into my kitchen it struck me. Cleaning dirty dishes was like forgiveness. Easy to do one dish at a time, but daunting when it all starts to pile up. I have seen the consequences of letting unforgiveness pile up, and the clearing process required a lot of effort!

I was a baby Christian in my early 30s when I learned that forgiveness was non-negotiable. I had heard it many times before, but you know how it can be when your heart is hard and you need God to speak directly to you. Verses started to jump out at me, and I could feel the Holy Spirit convicting me to clean up my relationships.

¹² Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. ¹³ Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. ¹⁴ And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

Colossian 3:12-14

Then came the sermons where my forgiveness was linked to God’s. It was as if the minister knew my own personal struggle against my flesh on Sunday morning. There was no mistake; because I had been forgiven it was expected that I would forgive. My actions were linked to God’s and His boundaries were clear. My being forgiven was contingent on my will to forgive.

¹⁴ For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. ¹⁵ But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Matthew 6:14-15

³⁷ “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.

Luke 6:37

I was overwhelmed and confused about where to start. My brother gave me a book he had read where the author asked Christians to take real steps toward God and His will. I can thank Jesus now that one of those steps was forgiveness.

 I was told to make a list of people I needed to forgive for absolutely anything.  I followed those directions and was horrified at the growing number. I needed to forgive nearly 100 people! The people who had devastated me in very real ways, and the people who had committed what were tiny slights, some probably perceived. The names included people I saw or spoke to every day, and others I hadn’t seen in years. There were one or two who were even dead and gone. Over the years my kitchen sink had been clogged and piled high with dirty dishes and they were spilling everywhere.

There was so much bitterness and childish thinking. There was jealousy, anxiety, anger, confusion, and very real fear. Fear that I would see these people again, that they would hurt me again, and that they would never pay the price for what they had done to me. It was ridiculous. Why? The precious blood of Jesus had wiped away all the consequences of my sin and I was hoping He wouldn’t do the same for them. I had been refusing to do the same for them.

When we hold Jesus in His own category of impossible behavior and stop striving to imitate Him, we lose sight of the things we are commanded to do. It’s easy to think, “Of course Jesus forgave them, He’s God, and it’s just one of His natural attributes,” but His grace and the Fruit of the Spirit (those things you produce when you and the Holy Spirit spend time together) transform us. We become able to forgive and are now held to that standard.

My God is so good. He gave me the ability to forgive! I started through the list and actively spoke forgiveness and began to release people from some ridiculous responsibility to be perfect, even though I was not perfect. People started to fall off the list immediately, but some took a few days, and one or two took a few years. It was exhausting work, but I couldn’t give up. God had so much work to do on me, and so many things to heal me of and untangle before my will to forgive turned to reality. I never stopped trying and He was faithful to complete the work in me that He had started.

As we forgive, we find extra things hiding underneath that need to be dealt with. We see things more clearly and have the option to add beauty in the place of chaos. We have Jesus to help us clean but who knows how much time. When Jesus answers Peter’s question about forgiveness in Matthew 18, He is so good to bring him back to reality as he faces this task of forgiveness. “I did it for you!! Now do it for everyone else.” Our Creator never asks us to do things He hasn’t done first. Sacrifice and love originated with Him and He enables us to do it.

I keep needing forgiveness and so do the other humans around me, but now I’m quicker to forgive. When it’s just one or two people it doesn’t take as long. It’s not always easy but it’s possible and when I’m done, I receive the rewards of obedience, which include peace, love toward that person, favor with God, and the ability to live my life for Him with clarity of purpose.

¹⁷ Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. ¹⁸ If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 

Romans 12:17-18

When I stood in my trashed kitchen yesterday, I was overwhelmed. The sight of the pots and pans that needed to be hand washed, the glasses and silverware that needed to be tossed in the dishwasher, the plates with stuck-on food that needed to be soaked in hot water, and all the things that were hiding under the surface stressed me out.

As I washed and scrubbed and cleared, I found trash and old food, cabinets that needed wiping, and a stove that needed scrubbing with that special glass cooktop cleaner. It wasn’t perfect when it was done but I tackled everything that I saw. Knowing that you would see the after picture I took extra care to wipe the counters and even cut some hydrangeas to put on the counter. They had the added benefit of brightening my day.

Here’s another picture to show off my cleaning skills!

It took me an hour to clean it all up. It makes me never want to use my kitchen again, but I know dirty dishes are going to happen. That’s how life works! If I stay after it, ask for help, and just load the darn dishwasher before I go to bed things will be much easier. There’s nothing easier than rinsing off a dish that just got dirty.

Don’t wait too long to start scrubbing, it won’t get easier with time.

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